So I was minding my own business...

12 notes &

…they pull me back in.

Remember how I’m in the process to make peace with never having children a child? How we gave our best shot and it wasn’t good enough?
I’m slowly moving on. Some days are better and some, not so much. I know, this is how grief works and that’s ok.
Anyway, while in Chicago, my BFF told me and D, several times, that she wants to be our surrogate. She told us how much she love us, she wants to give us this gift and that she also enjoyed being pregnant. Win-win situation all around.
Yeah, no.
Well, D brought it up again while we were having dinner the other night. He wants us to talk about this some more, he want us to think this through before deciding anything.
Even writing about this makes me feel so overwhelmed.
This is a lot to process.
I know, I had so many chances that so many people would love to have. I was able to do IVF, several times, do DEIVF and still walked away with money in our bank account. And our relationship intact, if not better.
I know that surrogacy is ridiculously expensive and this gift that she wants to give us is huge. This is what so many infertile couples dream of.
And I just can’t do it.
My heart was broken so many times during this journey that I can’t imagine putting myself, D and now my BFF through this again.
I’m scare to drink the Hope Kool-Aid again.

Filed under Infertility I would punch Hope in the nuts if I ever see it IVF DEIVF

2 notes &

NY

I’m going through all my pictures of New York and I don’t have a single picture of graffiti or street art.
I walked a lot on that damn city and I’m always looking for graffiti. I found odd that I couldn’t find any graffiti.
Some stickers here and there but no graffiti. I did stay in Manhattan though.